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00:08
I can't remember the last time I've written. I thought I was getting better. I was eating better, I was feeling better, but then... it just fell apart like nothing happened. I can't understand what's wrong with me inside. The physical pain doesn't help. 4 vicodin per 24 hours is almost impossible. I'm finding myself needing 4 within 6 hours. I am hurting so badly inside. I have been losing my appetite again. Ate a lot today, it equaled maybe 3 or 4 of my meal days, and it was 3 pieces of chicken and cheesy nachos from Taco Bell. I feel sick. I want to cry. I want to... my goodness. How can I get past this? How can I get past this? I just want to be happy and more and more I try, I'm further from it? Only time I feel any sort of happiness is nostalgia. Listening to '90s music, loving what I did back then, my dolls. My dolls... seems like most of my short term happiness comes from them. It's weird. Why them? Of course, sex with Honey always give me a dose of happiness that lasts nearly as long. I don't know. I am in so much pain... pain... how badly I just want it to stop and it'll never stop. It'll always be there, haunting me, torturing me. I want it to go away.
00:14