14:49
Got dressed and pretty much ready to go meet Colette and Jen. My positive anxiety turned negative within the last 10 minutes. Was I bailed on again? No incoming texts. What am I to think? It's not like I had anything else planned for today but it's just the point that getting my hopes up again may have lead to more disappointment. Low expectations of everything and I still get hurt - the fuck? I really should learn to have no expectation - period. No expectations = no heart ache. It's pretty simple for me to go from hyped up to plummeting in self pity in a matter of seconds.
14:54
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17:07
My gosh I had the greatest time with Colette and Jen! It has been 8 years since I've actually hung out with another girl, let alone two, that were actually nice and not out to get me... okay in that sense, I haven't hung out with nice unbackstabbing people EVER (until today). My hyper talk (a quirk of social anxiety that isn't always documented) was on the whole time, which embarassed me because I couldn't get it to stop. All good things were said - so I didn't scare them away with arsenic talk (I was careful not to go that dark on a first meet THIS time *nods*). Colette surprised me with both Saige books. I am so happy, I don't own any GOTY books, though I've loved to own Lindsey's and Lanie's if I can find them. I made sure to look nice, I didn't wear my bangs, I wasn't up for clipping them in - ja, I got lazy. What sucked is that my tremors were kicking up and I tried hard to keep it at bay.
17:19
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